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[Oct. 12th, 2009|10:46 pm] |
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Still alive. Just not kicking as much. |
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[Sep. 13th, 2009|03:38 pm] |
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Damn! Instead of grading papers, I was writing! I am in love with these characters! |
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[Sep. 13th, 2009|01:56 pm] |
INSPIRATION!!! Finally!!!
I want to write (what would probably end up being a young adult novel), but I have to get other STUPID work done (like gradin' my kids papers).
DAMN! |
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[Sep. 8th, 2009|09:34 pm] |
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And then they opened a Chika Chika (AKA Chiara for all practical purposes, one of my fave stores in Shibuya 109. Fun atmosphere. 90% crap and 10% awesome). I know where I am going Friday...! |
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[Sep. 7th, 2009|02:20 pm] |
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"you are not special. you are not a unique butterfly."
Is that from Fight Club?
Chant that sometimes when you feel yourself disappointed. I think the reason most of us find ourselves disappointed in ourselves is because we can't mitigate the fact that all of our ideals growing up are, really, the same story told over and over with different word choices. The first story, that root story, that ideal which all other ideals come from, has no substance. I think too many of us made a religion out of the old Cinderella story. We took all the retellings from different parts of the world as confirmations of truth and have put too much stock, whether we want to admit it or not, in the idea that "I" am special. "I" am unique. Things will work out for me.
Perhaps our first clue that we made our own gods was when even our perfect beings needed marriage counselors.
I am not depressed, which is a nice state to be out of, but at the same time I am not thinking enough.
My original point is that we hear the same story from different perspectives so much that part of us believes them to be true and we try to compare ourselves to what we think should be going on. Specifically, relating to writing, I think the reason why I CAN'T write anything, why I haven't been able to pen more than a few lines of fiction since last summer, is because unless writing is saying something new, what the hell is the point? We are overwhelmed, the system is choked, with literary trans-fats.
Literary trans-fats. Huh. Too bad I used that in my journal. I wish I could have dropped that in a conversation.
There is so much unashamed-- and I hate to resuse one of my oldest and most loved expressions-- faux-intellectual, self-congratulatory, indulgent pieces of trite out there, trite that is not only planted but CULTIVATED and ENCOURAGED, that English is losing soldiers every day in the form of forgotten or misused words.
And it just SUCKS (heh heh) that I am part of the problem.
It is not the loss of words that I think is lamentable; it is the stagnation of thought. The celebration of retelling. Original ideas are just too hard so let's write a fanfic or do a sequel. I think the loss of our words is a symptom of the disease of Unspiration.
And that is where I find myself on this fine holiday.
In Las Vegas, under clear skies, every now and then recalling the few tasks that HAVE to be done before I go to sleep tonight, completely unspired. Sure, I could go ahead and get my work done. Do the laundry; wash the dishes. Type up those lesson plans that are last year's plans restate and cleaned up. I have to write a paper about what teaching means to me and provide three visual metaphors (big wave surfers, iPhone, and retail sales if you were wondering).
...
Unspiration Syndrome: a debilitating disease attacking primarily the neocortex and the thalamus caused by the scarier swine flu virus. Like carpal or tarsal tunnel syndrome, U.S., Unspiration Syndrome, is the result of recurrent or persistent misuse of the neocortex and/or thalamus due to repetitive thought, action, or idea. U.S. is most damaging when presented in a way that leads the subject to think they have the potential for original thought, only to find that the nature of the task renders all originality not only improbable but also potentially resulting in a negative consequence. Signs of U.S. include decrease spoken and/or written vocabulary, lathergy, listlessness, depression, and the over-use of cliche phrases within the affected populous such as, "yeah, I know, right" or "that sucks." If left untreated, U.S. can leave permanent damage and spreads rapidly through social networking groups. Famous celebrates suffering from U.S. include Steven Wynn, Anita Blake, and The Black Eyed Peas.
Boom, boom, pow.
And, if you have read THIS far, I have, for all practical purposes, just gacked a big ol' wet cough of U.S. in your direction. It is on your shirt, the tips of your eyelashes, and the dead skin slowly flaking off your lips. My strand is cross-breeding with the strands of the virus you already had there. |
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| Writer's Block: Bite Me |
[Aug. 3rd, 2009|06:11 pm] |
I'll take Henry from Blood Ties. Charming, funny, great hair, bastard of a king, AND writes either comic books or romance novels. Awesome. He also seems the least emo about being what he is. Sooooo sick of the "ugh, I am a mooooooonster...." tone a lot of vamps in books have these days. I mean, if you are SOOOOOOOOO upset by what you are, pour gasoline all over yourself and light a match.
Plus, I wouldn't HAVE to change. |
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[Jul. 14th, 2009|02:53 pm] |
I live. Love Oregon. Laundrymat has free wifi and my iPod
Has the Internet! Boo yah!!! Epic trip so far. Terre lost the van keys at crater lake (found them three days later) and the van battery went dead. Awesome. |
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[Jun. 20th, 2009|06:11 pm] |
The Ramones are, who knew, the best thing to listen to when you need to write a bullshit paper for some masters class. Again, who knew???
Finished my first year as a teacher!!! GO ME!!! This is probably the longest I have ever held a job! How funny...and sad...
So, I have been in something of a major funk lately. Really major. Even for me. I have been falling to pieces left and right, and sometimes not in the privacy of my own home. Oye vey. Okay, and here is one that, looking back, kinda annoys me. I mentioned to Terre that I have been really down, REALLY down, like... thinking about doing bad stuffffff... down. She turned the conversation to her and how tough her life has been with changing schools and the upcoming divorce. Oh, okay. I know that if I had a friend or, I dunno, someone who was like a daughter to me, who fell to pieces, said she hated herself and her life, and doesn't see her self living a year from now, I might like, I dunno... I didn't expect her to say anything and was pissed at myself for saying anything thinking she might worry 'bout me. I mean, as an atheist, I believe this life is it. This is it. Nothing comes before or after. My philosophy has always been, hey, have fun in the here and now. Well, the here-and-now sucks. It has been suckin' for awhile now. I have always, always, toyed with the idea of suicide. My mother put me in therapy for that back in Hawaii thinking that with the divorce (the first one) I would only get worse. Well, I played in a over-sized kitty box with a shrink watching and scribbling notes down. I guess I got over it to her satisfaction. Then, in high school, I got into the self mutilation. Cutting my arms and fingers and stuff. That stopped, more or less, during college minus a slight breakdown in London. The complusive lying and nailing biting and picking and...whatever. I dunno.
When I was a kid, I always pictured my... I dunno... "soul," for lack of a better word, as being a golden blob in my stomach, toward the diaphragm. I noticed a while back that I no longer saw that blob in my stomach. I thought it was just something I outgrew. Then, a few months ago, I kind of found it again, as a silver wisp at the very tip-top of my head, like a splash of water on the scalp. Well, DURING class last week, I kinda thought maybe that meant that I wasn't as connected to my body as I used to be (which explains a lot and fits) and maybe I was wrapping up my tour of duty here. The idea disturbed me because it made sense.
I don't know. Just noise and nonsense. I am not looking for any comments or input here. I don't think anyone I know really reads my LJ anymore. I am just trying to think this through. Maybe a change of scenery would help. Maybe some time off to be in my head for a bit. The deal I have made with myself is I wont make any major decisions until my birthday. Luckily, Terre is more than willing to make decisions. Turns out I need to paint my house, I am going to Oregon in two weeks, and there are five tons of rocks outside my house that were delivered two hours ago that I am going to put on what could have been my lawn. Looks like I am getting my masters in education. I will be working at Bridger for another year or so. Just push play and go for awhile I guess...
And on that note, back to my paper. |
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[Jun. 2nd, 2009|09:49 pm] |
Well, I guess it is cool to have a Sailor Moon office/library/guest room... Sigh, maybe I should have opted for a three bedroom house.
It feels weird to live alone again.
Two more days of school with kids.
Where the HELL are my room keys??? |
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[Jun. 1st, 2009|09:23 am] |
Hey! I remembered my password!
So, I am at work right now, and I have a little sage advice to offer the world. Here goes.
Never drink a bottle of wine and six shots of absinth late on a Sunday night when you need to be all up-and-at'em the next day at work as a respectable school teacher.
Maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan, did I make some bad choices last night. =)
Less said is probably funnier, but I need to keep typing so I don't fall asleep, and something evil is happen inside my stomach. It feels like I have a grave bug somewhere...
There WILL be T.M.I. in this post.
I woke up the morning, five min. before my alarm, and for a second everything seemed fine. Then I noticed I still had a pony tail and was wearing my bra. Huh. And then it all came back to me.
"...Wait, why am I wearing a bra? Oh, I didn't take a shower last night. Shit, is Rachel okay?... I went swimming too..What's that smell? Oh God (stomach lurches). Okay, DC is in the bathroom; that is probably a good sign. At least that means she is alive. Oh yeah, I am on my period. Bathroom. (walk, walk, walk, squish). Oh God, right, I threw up. On the bathroom floor. Ew, as if I needed ANOTHER reason not to ever eat French Fries again. (Has to scoop up handfuls of absinth-soaked French fries into the toilet then mops up the mess with a towel). Damn, I am STILL under this poison. (takes a shower. stagger out of bedroom. forgot to use bathroom). DC? You okay in there? ("Yeah... (toilet flushes).") (five minute conversation about how stupid we were. We both remember crying, yelling, and thinking we could see the future. Well, I KNEW I could anyway. XDDD) Oh, God, my stomach. I need to eat something... do we have any bread? Damn, okay, an apple. Nature's toothbrush. (took me about twenty minutes to eat an apple over the course of the morning.) (DC tells me a funny story about her dad making the mistake of calling her last night. She called him back after the hung up to let him know JUST HOW OKAY she was. She had to call again this morning to let him know she is actually okay.) DC, go to bed. (calls Mika, who was still awake from yesterday, the idiot. DC comes into the room and I notice I am only dressed from the waist down. Grabs a pillow and moves on.) Damn, this toxin still has me. (DC notices her glasses are missing.) Damn! Where are my glasses? I need a bra. (walks to bathroom. Smell of absinth knocks me away) Oh God... (deep breath, grabs clean bra off back of the door. Shuts bathroom door and writes on the top of the door frame "Abandon all Hope ye who enter here" in either pen or Sharpie or pencil... I don't remember. I know I spent a moment considering if I needed a comma or not.)
(time for a new block of writing)
Okay.
Grabs a brush because I KNOW I am not going to be able to brush my hair this wet and joins DC in the frantic search for glasses because I CAN NOT SEE TO DRIVE TO WORK without them. Probably shouldn't be going to work anyway, stomach lurches, but what are ya gonna do? Can't find them. Grabs a pair of old glasses from when I was in high school and makes a BIG cup of water. Tauter to the car and sits still for a moment giving DC time to chase after me with my driver's license. I send her back in to get some paperwork I need (ew, I just burped a little and tasted the unspeakably wretched flavor of licorice). Puts on "Bad Things" and drives to work. DC finds my glasses just as I leave. I get to work and build a backstory about food poisoning in case I throw up somewhere. Wrap my hair in a bun so I can get to my room to brush it. Teeter to my room. Damn, no keys. Wabbles to Barb's room to wait for Rhonda to get in. I don't know what I told Barb. I think it didn't come up. Got my hair brushed though. Rhonda shows up and I sit in her room and confess my sins. She thinks it is funny as hell and knows absinth well. Kingsburry joins us and both of them applaud my terrible decisions. "I usually only drink that stuff on a Friday so I have a couple of days to get it out of me."-Kingsburry. Ugh, yeah, a little late for that now.
First period shows up. Okay. Game face. Even though you are a) EXSAUGHTED (three hours of sleep) b) can't see (wrong glasses) c) fighting the spirits of darkness in your gullet d) freezing cold because your hair is wet and, you know, e)still a little hazy because you are feeling the aftershocks of that terrible drink.
I don't know what happened. Showed a seven-minute video and told the kids to study for the exam tomorrow. I had to explain simple, compound, complex, and compound-complex sentence structures four times under these appalling conditions.
Okay, and prep period is just about over. God, all I wanna do is sleep.
and never eat French Fries again. |
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[Apr. 27th, 2009|10:27 pm] |
(insert a picture of me full of joy here)
I work tomorrow... BUT NO KIDS!!! BOOOOOYAA!!! I LOVE TRAINING!!!
Don't get me wrong; I don't hate my kids...
I am just...
not into them this week.
NERD ALERT
Oh. I got my tax return. World, please tell me in little, easy-to-follow, words why I should not pursue this one? Ignore the wig (if you can)...
http://www.iplehouse.net/shop/step1.php?number=1471
A half black, half Arab sword dancer??? Be still my quivering heart!
That is all. Night world. |
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[Apr. 19th, 2009|07:13 pm] |
Last post: five weeks ago! Ha ha ha, I suck!
I dunno. I have lost interest in keeping a journal. It was fun back in college when I was doing thing and going places, but I go from work to home now. Nothing really to say...
Spent spring break in Hermosa Beach (near Long Beach), at Joshua National Park (camping!), and at home being LAZY!!! Seven more weeks of school. Sweet. Only five of those weeks are teaching weeks too! I am going to piss around this week and then have the kids start their careers unit next week. I have hit my standards and now am just going over stuff.
I don't know what to say. I spend my time daydreaming trips. I know the next time I go to Tokyo (probably this winter since I don't have the time or funds for this summer), I will stay at the Prince in Sunshine City. Next time I go to VA (august?), I think I will take the train (bus to SLC, SLC to Chicago (22 hrs), Chicago to Washington D.C. (17 hrs), and then D.C. to Ashland). With a sleeper car it would only be 555 (or no sleeper for 222). Airfare runs me that! I will be camping in Washington, Wyoming, and Oregon this summer for about month. Can't WAIT to sit on the shores of Benson Beach again. I am thinking about doing whatever needs doing to spend next summer (at least two months) in Osaka. Osaka is a funny place. Or maybe Sapporo! Never spent much time up north! Still want to go to Hong Kong, and I miss London (and Disney Paris!) something fierce!
All these destinations. Tango mas dinero. ("Hablo espanol como ginga." <--- what I say to parents of my kids who don't speak English. It gets a laugh before I continue with "Tu hijo/a habla mucho y no tabja. Gracias." You would not BELIEVE the terrible accent I throw in there. Makes it easier for me that otherwise the parent's don't believe you and keep talking. "Lo ciento. Estudo japones y hawaiano. no hablo espanol!)
Anyway, fat, dull, dim, and slow moving. Hate my bathoom. LOVE my bed (rotated the blood-red bedding for spring green sheets and a thin royal/steel blue cover. When the light hits the bed, my room feels submerged in cold water. Very relaxing. I just want to sleep all day. Not the best for Monday-Friday...
Yep. That is everything. LAME! |
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[Mar. 14th, 2009|02:36 pm] |
My favorite things about this pic, besides the fact it's Kellan and that's funny as hell, are
1) How fat my face is. Oye vey and
2) How uncomfortable you can tell I am with Kellan's arm around my shoulders. My eyes glow with "off, please." and more than anything else
3) how no matter WHAT I wear or WHERE I am, I look like a middle school teacher.
ah well. Prive, at the PH, sucked (cue the "I'm a big douche at the Vegas' bars" song please). Van Nuys was good. They played over at Beauty Bar. After Prive, Mika, Charley, Rachel, and I went to the Crown and Anchor we knocked back cider and discussed every weird medical condition we could think of. Good times!
Rachel moved in a few weeks ago.
Spring Break is in three weeks.
I am going to be teaching summer school or three weeks at Robinson.
I am going to NYC again this summer.
Terre, the kids, and I are going camping for a month again this summer.
Yep, that is everything.
Peace.
(I don't go online much anymore.) |
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[Feb. 19th, 2009|09:47 pm] |
I did NOT earn 33,000 last year.
My W-2 is BEYOND messed up.
My AGI from 2007 was 1,431 though. That's pretty damned funny.
(I think I just took my self off a couple "maybe I'll go rob her house" lists.)
Tired.
Fucking yearbook.
Hating my kids a little different every day.
I need to get out more.
I need to meet new people.
My house is total freakin' chaos still.
I can't BELIEVE CCSD wants me to work five-day weeks until spring break. I got used to those three-day-weekends every now and again. No sympathy from anyone there I guess.
What kind of twenty-four-year-old can't wear a decent pair of pumps??? I bought these super awesome cranberry shoes ($145 marked down to $25!!!) and really can't promise an entire day of grace and fluidity in anything over 2.5 inches. Sigh. I am going to make my kids/sister wear heels as teens so they have the OPTION of wearing them as adults.
Is it summer yet? |
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[Feb. 2nd, 2009|08:59 pm] |
Hello world,
(and WTF Cardinals??? You cost me a cup of Starbucks!!!)
Greetings from MY HOUSE!!! MINE!!! I own a small percentage of Las Vegas now! This humble home fulfills a couple of my dreams.
I no longer have a computer in my room. I do not have a TV in my room. I DO have, however, a chaise lounge AND, in a matter of weeks, will have the most lovely canopy bed! (http://www.pier1.com/TopMenu/Products/tabid/260/Default.aspx?task=viewproduct&id=694&urlname=ashworth-beds-white but not in white but in this color http://www.pier1.com/TopMenu/Products/tabid/260/Default.aspx?task=viewproduct&id=1022&urlname=shanghai-5-drawer-chest) I'll also have a long dresser with a mirror and a tall dresser. Pretty much all of my limping bits of insanity are leaning on memories of my bedroom, which I did overly indulge in, but it is pretty awesome. Or it is going to be.
Now, if only I could get my washer installed. -.-;;; I had to do the stereotypical "hey, Mom, nice to see ya--I brought laundry" thing.
Hopefully I will get some bookshelves and the bedroom furniture in this week so I can completely unpack. I think I will have some sort of housewarming party in a few weeks. If you are on my friend's list, consider this the DTBD fiesta.
Oh, and while I was moving, I got put on some third-generation antibiotics and was about as useless as a jellyfish during the move and relied way to heavy on Mika, my mom, "Kod and Tyle" (Tod and Kyle), and the rest of the Kajinskis.
Anyhoo, howdy world.
Oh, and I introduced a new generation to the boundless possibilities of complex nail art by bringing some of my NailVenus mags to a few of my girls who want to do cosmetology when they graduate. They were most impressed. They actually, gasp, did independent research over the weekend! |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 19th, 2009|09:19 pm] |
I don't write any more...
Anyway, long story short about last night. Two shots plus FIFTEEN cranberry vodka's makes me "drop it like it's hot." I wasn't so far gone I thought I was dancing well, I knew I looked like a monkey, but I still danced for hours. I only stopped 'cause Charley, Mika, and some guy named Tyler (I think he is one of the Van Nuys guys) were DONE. Tsk, fine. Mika had a room lined up for us that night in one of the nicer Rio rooms so we went upstairs and crashed. Good times.
Well, half way through my first year teaching. Mixed feelings.
Taking a class again this spring. Think it started last week. Whoops.
Tired all the time.
Mmm, bronchitis. Nice. |
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[Dec. 17th, 2008|09:57 pm] |
"Due to weather conditions and for the safety of students, all Clark County School District schools will be closed tomorrow (Thursday). Students should not report to campus. All administrators, 12-month employees, and office staff should report to work as usual. Teachers and other classroom employees are not expected to report to work since a makeup day may be scheduled later in the year."-ccsd
BOOO
FUCKING
YEAH!!!
A SNOW DAY!!! In VEGAS!!!!!! THE FIRST TIME EVER!!!!!!!
I am gonna sleep all day tomorrow!!! |
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[Dec. 8th, 2008|06:31 am] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Twilight: The Score | ] |
Achoo, poof, where the frack is my weekend???
I watched a movie, cleaned the bird cages, babysat for a couple hours on Saturday... where the hell did my weekend go???? |
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